The typical age of initiation into drug and alcohol use is age 12, but many children try it before then. It is important to begin early, answering their questions and laying the foundation of family connectivity that will make a child less vulnerable to risky behaviours.

Age Appropriate Discussions

EARLY YEARS
Discussions in these years tend to be focused on safety issues.

For example:

• Teaching them to recognize, but never pick up drug paraphernalia like needles.
• That there are drugs in the medicine cabinet that are beneficial when used appropriately, but danagerous, when they are not.
• That some children think it is fun to sniff substances like markers but that are drug too and can harm them.

MIDDLE YEARS
Critical Thinking Skills
These are important years for teaching critical thinking and decision-making skills – the skills kids need to evaluate whether or not to use alcohol and other drugs. Use everyday examples that kids can relate to.

For example:

• Will the advertising toy meet their expectations for endless fun?
• If there were a fire in the house, how would they escape?
• If they can only join one activity this fall, will it be soccer or Scouts?

Parental Influence
Parental influence is at its strongest in the early and middle years of childhood because children are eager to spend lots of time with their parents. It is precious time for forming the strong relationships that make youth feel connected to their families.

Drug-Specific Conversations
Conversations about drugs and alcohol are most easily started by commenting on items in the news like a celebrity’s behaviour and its consequences.

TEEN YEARS

During these years adolescents become conscious of the need to differentiate themselves from their parents. This can cause some low points in the parent-teen dialogue. At times, “grunting” may be as good as it gets. Some teens go through secretive phases when even the simplest, seemingly friendly inquiry gets a volatile reaction.

Parenting professionals tell us to “show interest” but avoid “interrogation.” It can be a hard distinction to make, and it changes with each child. Commenting on media stories, movies, etc. is always a good way to open discussion.

It is important to simply “be around” so that conversations can develop naturally. One father noticed that his son always watched a particular television show. The father made a point of being in front of the TV himself when that show came on. It gave him some common ground with his son and opportunities for conversation that would not otherwise have occurred.

Driving teens around is often a good place for relaxed chats too. While the car is in motion they don’t have to make eye contact and may feel more free to confide in you.

Be Honest About Fears

Teens often interpret our fear for them as being a lack of trust in them. They need to know what we are really afraid of.

For example:

While Mom believes that her daughter will make wise decisions about alcohol and other drugs, she knows the date rape drug is out there. Her daughter’s good decision-making could disappear in one swallow.

Mom’s fear is about what others may do to harm her daughter.

Talking this through with her daughter, exploring “what if” scenarios, and developing a strategy to deal with the danger of date rape drugs offers protection for her daughter and reassurance for Mom.

 

Communicate Expectations

Parents must clearly communicate their expectations around alcohol and other drug use.  What are the family values and beliefs that your kids are expected to adhere to? What are the consequences for violating them?

When your teen comes home drunk or you discover a marijuana plant in the back yard is not the best time to develop family policy. You will be angry and your teen will be defensive. It will all be personal – policy decided on the basis of one child’s behaviour. 

Hopefully, communicating those expectations has been an ongoing process throughout childhood But in case that hasn’t happened, it needs to happen in as straightforward and calm a manner as possible – no “beating around the bush.”

Communicate Your Faith in Them

Communicate your belief that they are the smartest person in their peer group and that you expect them to make decisions that are in their own best interests. 

“Everybody did it,” will never be an acceptable reason.

You have faith that they will think decisions through for themselves.

Yes, teens are influenced by their peers, by the media, by what the superstars and celebrities are doing. Parents cannot change that.

What parents can affect, is the relationship they have with their own child. Research tells us it has the power to be the most influential one.

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